A TWSS writer examines misogyny within all-boys schools, recalling their own experiences at a grammar school and toxic attitudes within sports teams.

In 2020 my local boys’ grammar school opened its doors to the first female cohort in almost a century. I now know what it is like to be a goldfish in a tank, the stares and glares I received on my first day will be forever imprinted on my mind, it was almost as if these young boys had never seen a girl up close before. Of course, they had, most had sisters and presumably mothers, but this was evidently a new social context which they had yet to encounter.

For the first few days, the other girls and I moved as a herd through the school, after all, we were outnumbered one to 20. The thought of encountering a group of upper-sixth males’ solo was utterly daunting. The boys from years 7-11 were docile and noticeably avoided us and giggled when we passed for the first week. Those in the lower sixth (the year group which we had entered) were icy to start but quickly warmed to us for the most part. It was the upper sixth who initially troubled us, although seemingly friendly we soon learnt that their kind gestures and charming smiles were misplaced and represented an ulterior motive. By the second term, it had come to our attention that the boys in the year above us had collated a list, a list of who was ‘good looking’ by their standards. I much later found out that this list had been a joint effort across upper and lower sixth with special help from select members of year 11. I’d say this story is pretty representative of many of the sexist experiences I had during my time at sixth form. However, I should make it abundantly clear that these stories are not representative of all the boys in attendance at this school; in fact, it is here that I have made lifelong friends and met truly good boys who have aged into well-rounded men with the utmost respect for women. Nevertheless, every good bunch has a bad seed and unfortunately, there seemed to be quite a few in this school. I should preface that this is certainly an institutional issue as I do believe that these ‘bad seeds’ could have been rescued from this toxic cycle had the school taken active measures to combat sexist norms. 

If I were asked to identify what I thought was driving the sexist tropes floating around this school, I would most definitely point my finger in the direction of the rugby teams. Of course, the 1st XV were the greatest offenders which leads me to question whether ‘rugby culture’ is a hindrance to feminist progression. From the outside, it seemed like rugby culture was the height of machismo in which those who ‘conquered’ the most girls were impressive and cool (bonus points, of course, if you got with multiple girls in one night). From the inside, it was far worse than I could have imagined. From intrusive and illicit initiations to racist and disgusting dares, the rugby team did it all and it’s obvious that this boys’ grammar school has an issue with toxic patriarchal standards which breed men who lack basic respect for others. 

Naturally, I can’t speak for the conditions inside other boys’ schools but given what I’ve heard I’m sure the conditions can’t be that different. Over my two years at this school, I had heard many rumours ranging in levels of severity. When I was in year thirteen the then first team had gone out together to a local club (note that not all members of the team were in attendance, however, it was a large portion). Whilst in this club the teammates had dared one boy to get with ‘the fattest and blackest’ girls he could find and take a picture. If this doesn’t scream misogynistic racist with a huge ego and a sense of entitlement, I don’t know what else does. Not only is this behaviour abhorrent, but it also raises greater concerns about what made these boys think this behaviour is acceptable. The answer- to a large extent- is that they had grown up in an environment in which this was okay. They were taught from early on by the older boys that this is what we do, each year feeds into the next and therefore an endless cycle is created. 

While I enjoyed my time at this school, it is blatantly obvious that boys’ grammar schools do have an issue with perpetuating sexist and misogynistic standards. Overall, this male-dominated environment left unchecked by responsible adults does cause issues in the long run in a considerable number of these boys’ attitudes towards women. These concerning outcomes should make us question whether boys’ schools are the right way forward in the quest for an equal society. I do believe that there must be a greater effort from schools to counteract these views in order to foster a healthy educational environment. A school like mine should have done more to combat sexism, it should have prepared these boys for the real world. Adding girls to the sixth form can only help, but I am not sure it is enough at this point. Patriarchal views are imposed from a young age and so intervention must begin earlier. There are many more stories I could have shared, but I hope that this small sliver of my experience will highlight the issues we face with boys’ grammar schools and provide food for thought on how we raise young boys into men in this society.