Milly Middlehurst reflects on the realities of starting a year abroad and learning how to settle into a new life.

Everyone talks about how exciting it is to do a degree with a year abroad. Moving abroad seems like the dream to many people. It is an opportunity to broaden your horizons and discover things your younger self never knew you would discover. But then there’s the nostalgia. The realisation that the people you’ve grown to love and rely on for the past years aren’t there for you to depend on anymore – the shoulder you cried on isn’t in the room next door anymore. You can’t walk into the kitchen and laugh over a late-night cup of tea or hot chocolate anymore. You’re all alone.

I am a third-year German and Italian student, and three weeks ago, I arrived in Dresden, Germany by myself to begin the first half of my year abroad. My family and friends kept asking if I was excited, but in all honesty, I was terrified. As much as I was excited, I couldn’t shake my fear of loneliness and the thought of all my friends, both in Bristol and also abroad, moving on without me. The friendships I made over my first two years at Bristol are so incredibly dear to me, and the thought of starting a new chapter without them felt unthinkable.

Being now nearly a month into my time here, I have learned to enjoy my own company but also begun to cherish smaller interactions with people and to appreciate the friendships I make more. I have started a journey of realising the intentions behind my friendships and interactions since they are now much more few and far between. Friendship has transitioned from being a given to something I actually have to actively pursue. Of course, friendship always involves effort and, at times, hard work, but now the amount of effort I need to put in has increased. I often find that my social battery can be very easily drained, especially around people I don’t know very well, so making actual, meaningful connections is especially important to me.

When I reached out to others on the same internship programme as me, they were all so incredibly grateful that I did so as they too had been struggling with loneliness and making friends. I travelled over an hour to meet one of these girls for the first time and another girl travelled an hour to meet me, alongside me being lucky enough to meet another girl on her year abroad from Oxford right here in Dresden. I look forward to continuing these connections throughout my time here as they are only just beginning to blossom.

My endeavours in online dating for friends I found somewhat more difficult. Maybe because I have never online dated in any sense before, but it felt like I was becoming more superficial and commodifying people in a way that seemed unfair. I miss the interactions where I wasn’t trying to overperform to make a friend but was actually just enjoying the moment regardless of where it led.

On top of this, I am trying to have a personality in a language that isn’t my mother tongue, or other people are also having this struggle when they speak English. At the same time, I think it is a privilege to be able to meet these people regardless, and to get to know people from so many different backgrounds all around the world. I hope to continue to meet some amazing people at such events and stop caring as much whether we become lifelong friends, but rather enjoy life in the present moment with them.

Enjoying and appreciating every individual moment of my year abroad is so important to me because I don’t want to wish my life away, even in moments when I do wish I was back in Bristol. Living in the present is especially important in our age of social media, as it is so easy to assume everyone else is having the best time of their lives, which can be so isolating if you aren’t.

However, having spoken to other people on their years abroad, it is a stark reminder that social media isn’t real – so many of us are struggling so we need to reach out and check up on each other now more than ever. Comparison is truly the thief of joy, and we should try to enjoy the situations we are in because trust me, it does get better. Even throughout the course of writing this article my spirits have brightened.

A year abroad is the most incredible opportunity and ultimately, life is what we make of it. I am allowing myself to feel my emotions, but it is important to me that I’m not spending the whole time wallowing in self-pity. Instead, I am focussing on myself, nurturing my hobbies and savouring the moments I have. In a world where everyone wants to be so nonchalant, I’m embracing being ‘chalant’ and I’m not ashamed of being lonely and admitting that I care so much for my friends and life, both here and back at home.