Alongside the release of our latest poetry print edition, Nostalgia, we wanted to release some of our archived, longer pieces exploring the theme. Here, Mary Ferns explores the painful side of nostalgia, emphasising the need for a balance between nostalgia for the past and love of the present.

Our culture often seems obsessed with nostalgia. This longing for a romanticised past, a time of happiness before our life shifted, is the subject of many great works of music, art, poetry and novels. Whether it be beautified stories of loss, or romantic ballads about heartbreak, nostalgic imagery is everywhere. And it resonates with us. It touches us deeply because nostalgia almost appears as a universal feeling. It’s no wonder why: nostalgia serves a useful psychological function of making life more bearable. For our generation, growing up in a time of economic crises, vast social injustice and ecological collapse, it makes sense that there’s a collective yearning for a time when we weren’t faced with today’s reality. 

This romanticisation is often more personal, likely manifesting in the ways we remember our own past.  Many of us can spend hours looking back and reimagining what came before. We might describe this deeply human habit as nostalgia. We have a need to believe there was a time when life was perfect. When there was a beautiful and harmonious tessellation of our experience. Have you ever noticed that, although in the moment a particular scenario did not seem that significant, looking back it was the time you were at your happiest? A relationship that was riven with flaws somehow morphs into ‘the one that got away’? Our brains have the capacity to distort our emotional recollection of past experience, a term in psychology known as ‘rosy retrospection’. For example, when looking back on a festival a few years ago, I know I was struggling with dehydration, tiredness and feeling ignored by the boy I liked. Yet, stick a bit of Lana Del Rey on and suddenly I’m looking back through my own rose-tinted glasses, to when I had the time of my life, looking absolutely gorgeous surrounded by strobe lights, like I’m in some kind of ~music video~. This is an example of ‘nostalgia’ at its seductive finest.

But what about when nostalgia becomes a problem? When that bittersweet, melancholic longing turns into existential pondering such as what is the point of my life now? For those who have suffered from depression, we know that nostalgia is not always a healthy human emotion, but can lead to continuous ruminating on the past, when you were happy, when you weren’t depressed.. It can act as a distraction from an uncomfortable, and sometimes unbearable present,  representing what we are missing internally. The word ‘nostalgia’ comes from the Greek meaning ‘Pain of the Past’, quite literally inflicting pain on ourselves in the present by longing to return to a ‘better’ past.By recalling these memories with such extreme emotions, we also heighten our discomfort in the present, creating a vicious cycle that can leave us trapped and feeling low.

Nostalgia has been studied in psychology as an intriguing phenomena, with one psychologist poignantly noting that ‘the likelihood that sadness may elicit memories of loss may mean that engaging in nostalgia leads to a lingering of sadness’. Yet we continue to choose to spend much of our present grieving for that past. Pain has a familiarity that keeps us comfortable, especially when we have so much artistic material that helps  make it bearable, even desirable. Whilst it is of some benefit to imagine our lives as though they were aesthetic movies where everything happens for a reason, we must be careful not to use this against ourselves as an escape from feeling and contributing to difficulties we have in the present. I asked a mental health expert what she would suggest to someone feeling trapped and inhibited in their nostalgia, and here is the advice she gave:

Be compassionate and accepting of this stage – experiencing nostalgia can be part of a larger unconscious attempt  to cope with anxieties about the future as well as grieving what has passed. She suggests that we reflect on why we are nostalgic so that we develop an understanding of its function, but also encourages us to bring awareness to the present, to ground ourselves in the here and now. For example, make an effort to ground yourself in the present moment by connecting with friends. Use breathing and an awareness of the immediacy of sounds, smells, images and touch, to soothe your emotions and help your mind connect with your body. Empathy and loving kindness for yourself are in the present, bring yourself to that and away from the pain caused by lingering in the past. Some argue that all we truly have is the present, and this can be an empowering reality to embody.

Everything can be beneficial in moderation. Be nostalgic and romanticise your past, it is an important tool in psychological wellbeing, but don’t forget to live in the present. Remember to treat this idealisation of memories with a healthy dose of cynicism, because, at the time it likely wasn’t as good as you’re remembering. Nostalgia is the reimagining of what began as an act of subjective interpretation of experience in the first place. Perhaps all we ever have is our own interpretation of reality and that is our truth? We must come to terms with this, whatever our nervous systems and memory networks may hold, we only ever truly exist in the moment, so let’s find a way to put our anchors down here.